Traditional
Four and twenty virgins
Came down from Inverness
And when the ball was over
There were four and twenty less.
Chorus:
Balls to your partner,
Ass against the wall.
If you cannot get ——
on a Saturday night,
you cannot get —– at all
The Queen was in the parlor,
Eating bread and honey.
The King was in the chambermaid
And she was in the money.
Eating bread and honey.
The King was in the chambermaid
And she was in the money.
Chorus
There was doin’ in the kitchen,
And doin’ it on the stones.
Ya couldna’ hear the music
For the wheezin’ and the groans.
And doin’ it on the stones.
Ya couldna’ hear the music
For the wheezin’ and the groans.
Chorus
The village butcher, he was there,
A cleaver in his hand.
And every time he turned around,
He circumcised the band.
A cleaver in his hand.
And every time he turned around,
He circumcised the band.
Chorus
The deacon’s wife, well, she was there
With her butt against the wall.
"Put your money on the table, boys,
‘Cause I’m going to do you all."
With her butt against the wall.
"Put your money on the table, boys,
‘Cause I’m going to do you all."
Chorus
The letter carrier, he was there.
The poor man had the pox.
He couldn’t do the ladies,
So he did the letter box.
The poor man had the pox.
He couldn’t do the ladies,
So he did the letter box.
Chorus
The village cripple he was there,
Can you imagine that?
Amusing himself by
abusing himself,
And catching it in his hat.
Can you imagine that?
Amusing himself by
abusing himself,
And catching it in his hat.
Chorus
The bride was in the bedroom
Talking to the groom.
"The front! The front!
And not the back,
Is the entrance to the womb!"
Talking to the groom.
"The front! The front!
And not the back,
Is the entrance to the womb!"
Chorus 2x
When the ball was over
Everyone confessed,
"The dancin’ was exquisite,
But the doin’ was the best!"
Everyone confessed,
"The dancin’ was exquisite,
But the doin’ was the best!"
Chorus