Well, I’ll tell you a story that happened to me
one day as I went out to Yaw by the sea.
The day it was hot, the sun it was warm,
says I, "A quick pint wouldn’t do any harm."
I went in and ordered a bottle of stout.
Says the barman, "I’m sorry the beer’s all sold out.
Try whiskey, young Paddy, ten years in the wood."
Says I, "I’ll have cider; I’ve heard that it’s good."
But I’ll never, no never, no never again
if I live to a hundred or a hundred and ten.
Well I fell to the ground and I could not get up
after drinking a quart of the Johnny-Jump-Up.
After law in the third, I came out by the yard
where I walked into Brofie, the big civic guard;
"Come ‘ere to me boy. Don’t you know I’m the law?"
I opened me fist and I shattered his jaw.
Well he fell to the ground with his knees doubled up;
’twas not I that what hit him, but the Johnny Jump-Up.
The next thing that I met down by Yaw by the Sea
was a cripple on crutches, and he said to me,
"I’m afraid for me life. I’ll be hit by a car.
Won’t you help me across to the railwayman’s bar?"
But after drinkin’ a quart of the cider so sweet,
he threw down his crutches and danced on his feet.
Well I went down the lee road a friend for to see;
they call it the Madhouse in Cork by the Sea.
But when I got there, sure the truth I will tell,
they had the poor bugger locked up in his cell.
So’s the guard tested him, "Say these word if you can:
‘Around the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.’"
"Tell ’em I’m not crazy, tell ’em I’m not mad.
‘Twas only the sip off the bottle I had."
A man died in the Union by the name of McNabb.
They washed him and they laid him out on a slab.
And after O’Connor his measurements did take,
his wife took him home for a bloody fine wake.
Well, about twelve o’clock and the beer it was high,
the corpse sits up and says he with a sigh,
"I can’t get to heaven, they won’t let me up,
’till I bring them a quart of the Johnny Jump-Up."