The Ball of Balinour

Traditional

Four and twenty virgins

Came down from Inverness
And when the ball was over
There were four and twenty less.

Chorus:
Balls to your partner,
Ass against the wall.
If you cannot get ——
on a Saturday night,
you cannot get —– at all

The Queen was in the parlor,
Eating bread and honey.
The King was in the chambermaid
And she was in the money.

Chorus

There was doin’ in the kitchen,
And doin’ it on the stones.
Ya couldna’ hear the music
For the wheezin’ and the groans.

Chorus

The village butcher, he was there,
A cleaver in his hand.
And every time he turned around,
He circumcised the band.

Chorus

The deacon’s wife, well, she was there
With her butt against the wall.
"Put your money on the table, boys,
‘Cause I’m going to do you all."

Chorus

The letter carrier, he was there.
The poor man had the pox.
He couldn’t do the ladies,
So he did the letter box.

Chorus

The village cripple he was there,
Can you imagine that?
Amusing himself by
abusing himself,
And catching it in his hat.

Chorus

The bride was in the bedroom
Talking to the groom.
"The front! The front!
And not the back,
Is the entrance to the womb!"

Chorus 2x

When the ball was over
Everyone confessed,
"The dancin’ was exquisite,
But the doin’ was the best!"

Chorus